16 Mar
2010
There are only a few weeks left before American consumers can finally get their hands on Apple's much touted iPad. For many people, including millions of Apple's so-called 'fan boys', the iPad will be a sure fire winner. For these naive optimists, the iPad will solve many of the world's problems including, but not limited to, a cure for cancer and a cost-effective solution to tackle global warming.
This skeptical reporter is not so sure. Whereas Apple has not specifically targeted the use of it's allegedly 'groundbreaking' new product as a suitable replacement for clay roof tiles, the subtext in their advertising is clear. Their recent TV advert doesn't feature any words as such, but it's clear that the implication is that if you put the iPad on your roof, it will keep you warm and dry. If you read between the lines, then it is clear that Steve Jobs practically said as much as the launch event.
So how will Apple's device hold up in competition against the traditional clay roofing tile? Well call me old-fashioned, but I somehow don't think that Apple is about to displace the classic roofing tile anytime soon. Here's 5 reasons why I think the iPad will fail in it's role as a roofing tile.
1) Lack of adequate waterproofing
Apple have clearly scored an own goal here. Packing in all that fancy electronic circuitry may make it a digital delight for nerdy teenager boys who have erotic dreams over the size of their iPod's hard disk capacity, but it won't cut the mustard when it comes to protecting against rain showers. Fail!
2) Price
What were they thinking in pricing this thing at $499??? And that's just for the basic version of course. Who has the kind of money to spend that much on a single roofing tile? It will be the most expensive roofing tile in the history of overlapping, segmented roof protection. Fail!
3) Non-interlocking nature
It's typical thinking for Apple to take something that works, and then turn it into a useless mess. Their iPad has no obvious way to interlock or overlap multiple units together to provide a stable, and watertight covering for your roof. I suppose that this will become available as an expensive 'optional download'. Fail!
4) Excessive packaging
We have yet to see any signs of what the iPad packaging looks like, but we can imagine that it will be another case of the usual Apple 'style-over-substance'. Most disappointingly, we believe that iPads will only be available in packs of one. If you want to cover your entire roof in these things, then not only will it be costly, you'll probably need to hire a truck to take away all of the extra packing that you will be left with. Fail!
5) Lack of choice
At launch time, the iPad will only be available in just six different versions. Apple have clearly listened to their customers but have then decided to spit a fat globule of iMac-flavored sputum in their eye. A meager selection of just six varieties is lame. Contrast this to Microsoft's recent entry into the roofing protection market with their 'Slate 2009' product. This came in a consumer-friendly range of 142 different configurations, including the popular 'Slate 2009, Small Home and Underdeveloped Business Edition - Pro Premium XL'. Microsoft clearly have their finger on the pulse of e-Roofing whereas Apple have just wasted a glorious opportunity to do something right for once. Fail!
Apple may as well have named the iPad the 'iLame' as it is the lamest thing that the lame Cupertino company has brought out since their last lame offering. However, as a technology journalist, it goes without saying that I reserve the right to completely retract these words and write another article in a year's time called 'Why I was right about how the iPad has forever changed the world of e-Roofing'.